Women in the 2020s have never been louder, bolder, more insistent or more confident. Fourth-wave feminists have shouted #MeToo, raged against inequality and marginalisation, and fought to bridge the gender gap, the wage gap and now… The Orgasm Gap.

by Samantha Herbst

For as long as any living generation of women can remember – and longer still – women’s sexual pleasure has been marginalised. The clitoris, also known as ‘The Grand Central Station’ of erotic sensation for most people with vaginas, has always been misunderstood and misrepresented. And, as we know from recent history, women in general are sick of being misunderstood and misrepresented.

As a 2017 study from the Archives of Sexual behaviour recognised, 95% of straight men always orgasm during sex, versus 65% of heterosexual women. Like other measures of inequality, we no likey.

The orgasm gap has more than likely contributed to the changing discourse around sexual health and self pleasure, with influencers and celebrities (like Lily Allen and Emma Watson) endorsing women-focused sex toys and websites devoted to teaching women how to orgasm. Women are, quite literally, taking matters into their own hands.

Sex talk has become less about the “smut” than about the necessity of self-pleasure and knowing yourself as a woman. There’s been a radical shift in thinking, from whispered taboos to outspoken how-tos.

So, while most retailers sustained a significant blow to their bottom line over the past two years, sex toy retailers have been buzzing since 2020 (pun intended, #sorrynotsorry). It’s safe to say that we might have the pandemic to thank for the renewed spring in our step.

According to a research survey conducted by Bedbible.com, the global sex toy market is projected to grow by nine per cent between 2019 and 2026, from an online retail market share of about 28.64-billion USD to about 52.7-billion USD (that’s a whole lotta billions).

So why the sudden interest in self pleasure and sex toys? It could be that forced lockdowns and pandemic boredom rekindled the fire between our loins (and for one another). For the same reason, it could be that the dating pool ran dry (has anybody checked to see if Tinder is alright? Tinder, you good, bro?).

It could also be that radical self care has finally joined the party.

We like it S L O W now

Facing an unprecedented health crisis caused a mass slowing down of sorts, turning the culture of busyness and productivity on its head. In addition to baking banana bread and mastering Dalgona coffee, we as a collective society seem to have gone back to the root of what makes us human. We’re eating again, savouring, breathing, moving, and being. We are more intentional with our time, with one another, and with ourselves.

Because death, separation and a damn-near Zombie apolocalypse became such a stark reality for us all, we started to separate the wheat from the chaff in terms of what we are prioritising in life.

It all harks back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, right? And lest we forget that sex is listed as one of humankind’s base physiological needs, according to our pal Maslow. This is all just a roundabout way of saying that, in the midst of this awful pandemic, self care has become more about taking care of our most basic primal needs, and this includes sexual health.

It’s for this reason that we’ve been doing a little digging (and experimenting) on the sex toy front. And, because sharing is caring and self-care is necessary, we’ve listed South Africa’s top five favourite sex toys, courtesy of online retailer Matilda’s. So whether you’re a newbie to the sex toy arena or are well-versed in your brand of kink, read on because these products are what’s making South Africans’ bedrooms boom.

TGE REVIEWS: South Africa’s Favourite Sex Toys

Regala Rabbit by Rocks Off

You’ll be hard-pressed to find a woman in her thirties who wasn’t first introduced to ‘The Rabbit’ through illicit late-night viewings of Sex & The City as a teen. For those women who still think about that original glittery two-pronged vibe, you’ll be pleased to know that the bunny has matured with the times (and with you).

There are plenty of rabbit vibrators on the market, but the Regala by Rocks Off is one of our faves at the moment. This vibrator is incredibly soft to the touch and super comfortable (the ergonomics is as sophisticated as it looks). It’s also waterproof, boasts a ten-function setting and has been crafted to drive you to the ultimate A-spot orgasm, with an elongated shaft and precision tip.

Here’s the clincher: We’re really into the dual independent motors on the Regala, because spoilt-for-choice should be any woman’s default. But what we really love about this product is the snug fit of the clitoral stimulation point. It’s a welcome change from the sharp two-pronged approach of other rabbit vibrators.

This product is great if you’re getting to know yourself solo, but it’s just as fun with a friend.

Nõs Vibrating Cock Ring by Fun Factory

If the pressure to climax at the same time as your partner is the only thing that’s mounting in your bedroom, it’s time for the Nōs vibrating penis ring from The Fun Factory.

Described as the ‘Rolls Royce’ of cock rings by the husbands of TGE, this little gadget will give him a better, longer-lasting erection while stimulating her clitoris with vibrations that Hit. The. Spot.

Here’s the clincher: This is the perfect product for couples looking to enhance their intimacy and have some fun at the same time. And that ever-illusive synchronised orgasm? This is your magic bullet, babe.

Like all of Matilda’s products, the Nōs is made from only the best body-safe materials. It’s also waterproof and comes with a nifty but discreet storage bag.

We-Vibe Wand & Body Massager

If you’re looking for a versatile sex toy that can be tailored to suit your sex mood, you cannot go wrong with the long-lasting cordless We-Vibe body massager and wand. Use it to relieve tension or just to get in the mood, and then pop on one of the playful attachments to enjoy this toy your way.

The We-Vibe Wand is easy to hold and adjust, ergonomically designed to follow the natural curve of the body and features a flexible head that moves with you. It’s also made from super-soft, body-safe silicone, making it comfortable and safe for anybody to use.

Here’s the clincher: SmartSilence technology senses when the Wand is close to your body, which means the product only vibrates when pressed against you or your partner, making it perfect if you’re trying to be discreet. The product is also pressure-sensitive, so the harder you push, the harder it vibrates, meeting you at your comfort level.

This product is also compatible with the We-Connect App, making it easier for you and your partner to stay connected while you have to be far apart. It’s the perfect product for long-distance play.

Drive Me Crazy Glass Dildo

This one is especially for Fifty Shades fans. Put the book down, ladies, and turn that fantasy into a reality. The Fifty Shades Drive Me Crazy frosty glass dildo features a super sleek shape and comfortable curves that are perfect for gliding over tired muscles for some sensual foreplay. Use it for an intimate massage and experiment with some temperature play by heating and cooling the product to enjoy a variety of sensations for satisfying internal or external stimulation.

Here’s the clincher: The small nubs on the shaft of this glass massage wand provide otherworldly stimulation while the already-smooth shaft requires very little lube to be enjoy. The strong, durable glass is also super hygienic and easy to clean. We love the sophisticated, branded glass base and silky Fifty Shades storage bag.

Womanizer Liberty

Multiple orgasms? Whenever you want them? Friends, we don’t write cheques we can’t cash. Trust us when we say that the touchless Womanizer Liberty is your new best friend. It’s gentle, it’s subtle, it’s silent, it’s reliable – every time.

With it’s ultra-modern design, six intensity settings and super silent mode, the Womanizer uses touchless Pleasure Air Technology to generate gentle waves that wash over your clitoris without making contact. The result is a unique sensation that edges you on to orgasm, one intensity setting at a time.

This clitoris vibrator also uses suction for the ultimate orgasmic experience. It gives you 120 minutes of pleasure from a single charge and is easily cleaned for anytime repeat fun.

Here’s the clincher: The Liberty is also waterproof, which means more exciting bath or shower time. And it comes with an extra stimulation head in a larger size to suit women of all shapes. Inclusivity and an orgasm? Yes, please!

Use with high-quality water-based lube to create the perfect seal for maximum stimulation.

You a newbie?

If you’re new to exploratory play and you want our recommendation on where to begin, you can’t go wrong with a bullet vibrator.

Bullet vibrators are small, discreet, non-penetrative and not as intimidating as some of the larger products on the market. Play around with the sensations and find the intensity that works for you.

And remember, more than just your genitals can be stimulated. Don’t forget about your neck, your ears, your lips, your nipples, your belly button. Sex and pleasure is about way more than the regular ol’ P-in-V penetration.

The only rules when it comes to sex? Consent and equal enjoyment for all genders.

We’ve got a gift for you!

For R150 off your next order from Matilda’s, enter TGE2021 at checkout.

And if you’re looking for some more girl talk around self pleasure and sexual health (all in the midst of momming and a gruelling nine-to-five and… Oh, ya know, an unprecedented PANDEMIC), have a listen to the latest episode of The Great Equalizer:

BRIDGING THE ORGASM GAP: Why women are taking pleasure into their own hands